What to expect

Know what's coming before you walk in

Step-by-step guides for worship, communion, baptism, confirmation day, and a funeral. Read one before you go, or read it together with someone. Every church does things a little differently, so these tell you what usually happens.

It's always okay to

  • Sit when other people stand, or stand when they sit.
  • Wear headphones or ear protection, or bring something quiet to hold.
  • Step out for a break, and come back when you're ready.
  • Move, rock, fidget, or make sounds. You belong here.
  • Wave or nod instead of shaking hands.
  • Stay in your seat during communion, or go up for a blessing.
  • Not sing, not read aloud, and not know what comes next.

A worship service

About one hour. Most ELCA services have four parts, in the same order every week.

  1. Arrive

    Someone at the door may say hello and hand you a bulletin, a paper that lists everything in order. You can sit anywhere. Seats near the back or an aisle make it easy to step out.

  2. Gathering

    Music starts, and most people stand for a song. Often there's a confession, where everyone says sorry to God together, and then the one leading worship announces God's forgiveness.

  3. Word

    People read from the Bible, often three readings and a psalm. Most people stand for the Gospel reading. You can stay seated. Then someone preaches a sermon, a short talk about the readings.

  4. Creed and prayers

    Everyone says a creed together. It's printed in the bulletin or the hymnal. Then someone leads prayers for the church and the world. After each one, people often answer together, like “Hear our prayer.”

  5. The peace

    People turn to their neighbors and say, “Peace be with you.” Many shake hands. You can wave, nod, or just smile. Many people answer, “And also with you.”

  6. Offering

    Often a plate or basket is passed down the row. You don't have to put anything in. Just pass it on.

  7. Meal

    The one leading worship prays over the bread and wine, and people go up for communion or have it brought to them. See the next guide.

  8. Sending

    The one leading worship gives a blessing. Someone may say, “Go in peace. Serve the Lord.” Everyone answers, “Thanks be to God.” There may be one last song. Then it's over, and people often stay to talk.

HearThe organ or band can be loud, and bells may ring.
SeeCandles, colored cloths, and people in robes.
TouchHandshakes at the peace. Waving is fine.
MoveStanding and sitting many times. You can stay seated.

Going up for communion

Also called Holy Communion, the Lord's Supper, or the Eucharist. The ELCA welcomes baptized people to the table, and many churches welcome young children too. Ask someone at your church how they do it.

  1. Wait for your row

    An usher may nod to your row. Follow the people in front of you. In some churches, the bread and cup are brought to you in your seat.

  2. Hold out your hands

    Put one hand flat on top of the other, like a little plate. If that's hard, a helper can take it for you, or the person serving can place it in your mouth. Tell someone at church ahead of time.

  3. Receive the bread

    The person serving puts bread or a small wafer in your hand and usually says, “The body of Christ, given for you.” You say “Amen,” which means yes. Then eat it.

  4. Receive the cup

    Some churches share one big cup, and someone tips it for you to sip. Some use tiny cups. Some let you dip your bread in the cup. You'll hear, “The blood of Christ, shed for you.” Say “Amen.”

  5. Go back to your seat

    Follow the line back. Many people sit quietly and pray, or just rest.

Good to know

  • Not baptized yet, or not ready? In many churches you can cross your arms over your chest to ask for a blessing. You can also stay in your seat.
  • Many churches can offer gluten-free bread and grape juice instead of wine. Ask ahead, or tell the person serving you.
  • The bread can be dry, and wine tastes strong. If you can't eat the bread or can't drink from the cup, many churches teach that receiving just one is still the whole gift. Ask your church.
  • Lutherans believe it is real bread and wine, and Jesus is truly there too, giving himself to you. We trust this because Jesus promised it, not because we can see it.

When someone is baptized

Usually part of a Sunday service. It takes about ten minutes.

  1. Gather at the font

    The family and sponsors (helpers in faith, like godparents) come forward to the font, the bowl or pool of water. The person being baptized may be a baby, a child, or a grown-up.

  2. Promises

    The pastor asks questions. The family, sponsors, and the whole church promise to help this person grow in faith. The person or their family says no to evil and yes to God, and everyone says the Apostles' Creed together. You may be asked to answer out loud with everyone.

  3. The water

    The pastor pours water on the person's head, often three times, or dips them in the water, and says, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Babies sometimes cry. That's normal.

  4. The cross and the candle

    The pastor traces a cross on the person's forehead, sometimes with oil. Someone may give the family a lit candle.

  5. Welcome

    The church welcomes the new member, often with words of welcome and clapping. Clapping can be loud. Everyone goes back to their seats.

Confirmation day

In the ELCA it's called Affirmation of Baptism. You're saying yes to what God promised you at your baptism. Your leaders will go over your church's plan with you ahead of time.

  1. Practice first

    Most classes have a practice time in the church before the day. Ask where to stand, when to walk up, and what you'll say.

  2. Come forward

    When your group is called, come to the front and stand, kneel, or stay seated in a chair or wheelchair. Family or a sponsor may stand behind you.

  3. Answer the questions

    A leader asks if you want to keep living in the promises of your baptism. You answer yes, and ask God to help you. In many churches the group answers together. If speaking is hard, ask your leaders about nodding, signing, or another way to answer.

  4. A blessing

    A leader puts a hand on your head, or on your shoulder, and prays a blessing for you by name. If you'd rather not be touched, tell your leaders ahead of time. Ask if the blessing can be prayed without touching you.

  5. Celebrate

    The church welcomes you. Often there are photos, cake, and hugs afterward. You can say no to hugs. It's okay to feel nervous, excited, or both.

A funeral

A service to give thanks for someone who died, and to hear God's promise of resurrection. About one hour.

  1. Before it starts

    People may be quiet or crying, and some may be laughing about good memories. All of that is normal. There may be a casket or an urn at the front. Sometimes the casket is open before the service. You don't have to go look.

  2. Remembering Baptism

    Many Lutheran funerals start at the font, or with a white cloth, called a pall, over the casket. It's a reminder that this person was baptized and belongs to God.

  3. Readings, songs, and a sermon

    People read from the Bible and sing. Someone may share memories. The sermon speaks about Jesus' promise that death isn't the end.

  4. Commendation and sending

    The one leading prays, trusting the person to God's care. Afterward there may be a burial, and often a meal together.

Good to know

  • You can cry, and you can take a break. Grief comes in waves.
  • If sadness stays heavy for a long time, talk to someone you trust. If you ever think about hurting yourself, call or text 988 (in the U.S.) right away, any time.

Church words that don't mean what they sound like

A lot of church language is old, or uses pictures. Here's what these words really mean.

Body and blood of ChristThe bread and wine at communion. Lutherans believe it is real bread and wine, and Jesus is truly there too, giving himself to you. Nobody is being hurt.
Lamb of GodA name for Jesus. It doesn't mean he's a sheep. In the Bible, lambs were offered to God, so it's a picture of Jesus giving his life for us.
God the FatherA way to say God loves and cares for us like the best parent. It doesn't mean God is a man or has a body.
Holy SpiritGod, present with us now. Older books say Holy Ghost. It is not a scary ghost.
HallowedAn old word for holy. “Hallowed be thy name” means “may your name be treated as holy.”
TrespassesAn old word for sins, the wrong things we do. Nobody is walking on a lawn.
Kingdom of GodWherever God's love is in charge. It's not a country on a map.
HeavenBeing with God. The Bible uses pictures to describe it, like a city or a feast. It's not up in the clouds the way an airplane is. Christians also trust that one day God will raise the dead and make all things new.
The WordCan mean the Bible, God's promises spoken out loud, or Jesus himself. John's Gospel calls Jesus the Word.
Born of water and the SpiritA picture of Baptism, where God gives us new life. Nobody is being born again as a baby.
SaintsIn the Bible, all of God's people. That includes you. You don't have to be perfect. Churches also remember some famous saints on special days.
Sheep and shepherdA picture: Jesus cares for us the way a good shepherd cares for sheep. People are not sheep.
Washed in the waterBaptism. The water is real. The cleaning it talks about is God forgiving us.
Fear GodIn Luther's catechism, it means awe and deep respect. It doesn't mean being scared of God.
Catholic, in the creedIt means universal: the whole church everywhere. It includes Lutherans.
Peace be with youA greeting. Many people answer, “And also with you.” It isn't a question.
AlleluiaHebrew for “praise the Lord.” Many churches don't say it during Lent, then say it loudly at Easter.
AmenMeans “yes, it's true.” It's how people agree with a prayer.
Lord, have mercyA short prayer asking for God's help and kindness. You'll hear it sung near the start of many services.
SanctuaryThe main room where people worship. It can also mean a safe place.
AltarThe table at the front where the bread and wine are set out.
FontThe bowl or pool that holds the water for Baptism. Not a style of letters.
ParamentsThe colored cloths on the altar and pulpit. The color tells you the season of the church year.
OfferingGifts people give to support the church and help others. You never have to give to belong.

See all the church words, with search and read-aloud ›

For parents, mentors, and leaders

  • Visit the empty church together on a weekday. Find the bathroom, the font, the altar, and a quiet spot.
  • Ask for a bulletin ahead of time, so there are no surprises.
  • Call the church ahead to ask about wheelchair access, accessible bathrooms, large-print bulletins, and where to sit with a service animal. Tell the church office about any needs.
  • Practice communion at home with bread and juice, and the words “given for you” and “Amen.”
  • Sit near an aisle and agree on a signal for a break.
  • Introduce your learner to the pastor or a leader before the service. A familiar face helps.
  • Ask about gluten-free bread, grape juice, and how your church handles touch at the peace and at confirmation.

Learn more in Washed and Fed